why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
