I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
