just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
