"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
