The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
