Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
