I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
