this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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