If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
