wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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