youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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