Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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