Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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