I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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