The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
