Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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