I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
