I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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