dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
