the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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