Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
