it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
