help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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