my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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