My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
