i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
