yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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