OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
