When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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