Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
