And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
