Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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