Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
