Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
