I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
