if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Houston, we have a blender
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
