If that was your dad, he is hot
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
So squirting runs in the family.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
