im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
