and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
