I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
