After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
