I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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