Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You don't make any sense
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