Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
