Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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