i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
