my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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