I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
