Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
