Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
