garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize