thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
