It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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