Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
