hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
