she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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