He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
