There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Randomize
