Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
