that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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