Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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