I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize