ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
