Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
