Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
