I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
