I love black thongs
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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