So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
