her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
