Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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