im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
