I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
