It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
