how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
