then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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