There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
