I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
