We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize