if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
