how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
