Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
