I cockslap morals
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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