Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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